Dear newbie Aomori JETs,

In my continuing effort to help inform you about life in Aomori (and in my secret effort to discourage you from coming at all) I would like to present to you important information that they won't be telling you at the Tokyo or Aomori orientations. I apologize ahead of time if the following sounds at times like an angry BigDaikon diatribe, but I'm only trying to convey the things I wish people told me before I came here. Without further ado here are...

Jamie's 10 Secrets to Happiness in Aomori:

1. Shoes
Bring lots of them, especially if you wear a men's size 11 or higher. Good luck buying anything that fits you here. More importantly, bring lots of identical shoes. This way when you come to work in the morning you don't have to change your shoes if nobody is looking. Constantly having to take off my shoes everywhere I go has got to be my biggest pet peeve about Japan.

...

2. McDonald's
So you like sushi and tempura, and can't wait for authentic Japanese cuisine. Maybe you won't believe me now, but after a few weeks in Aomori you'll be dying for a Big Mac. Japanese people eat basically the same things for breakfast, lunch and dinner. This might work fine for them, but for a gaijin like you eating fish, rice and miso soup every day can get tired pretty quick. I've heard people around the office boast that Japan has the best selection of international cuisine in the world, but you'll quickly come to realize that such claims are far from the truth. Sure there are lots of things here that look and smell like Indian, Mexican or Italian food but when you taste them you'll soon discover that they are terribly bland and inexplicably covered in corn. Also, anything marked as "spicy" has about as much spiciness in Japan as its "mild" equivalent back home.

There is really only one restaurant that has authentic tasting foreign food in Aomori and that's McDonald's. Make sure to bring your own vinegar or sweet and sour sauce too. (Technically there's also Burger King, Popeye's and Taco Bell too, but they are only open to U.S. military personnel) If you want to survive the long, cold, depressing Aomori winter then check your anti-globalizationism at the door and chomp down on a Big Mac once in a while. You'll feel much better, trust me! At the very least, stop by Mos Burger. If you are vegetarian/vegan, then please direct all your iquiries here. By the way, I've never met a Japanese person that knows what a vegetarian is, let alone a vegan, but I've been told they do exist somewhere in Tokyo.

Please Note: Since food preference can vary greatly, and I'm a more finicky eater than most, please take what I said with a grain of salt. (No pun intended)

3. Sick leave
It may be mentioned in your contract, but schools just simply refuse to believe that sick leave exists. If you get sick and don't come to work, expect to be asked to use your vacation time. This has been a very contentious issue with JETs for a long time and apparently just starting this year, if you bring a receipt from a drug store demonstrating you bought medicine, you should be allowed to take a sick day. Still plan on arguing with your supervisor or vice principal for a while about it before they give you the okay. Don't even think about taking a day off due to "stress", or else this might happen to you.

4. Deodorant & Toothpaste
In case none of your research has already informed you of this, you can't buy strong deodorant or toothpaste in Japan. They have deodorant spray cans that are weak and basically useless. They have toothpaste here of course, but for some strange reason it doesn't contain Fluoride (so I've been told). Japanese toothpaste might be okay, I really don't know, but just to be safe I buy mine from abroad. Too bad I didn't mention this one in my old memo to Japan rant.

5. NHK Fees
Not even the most God fearing JETs among us pay this bill. The NHK fee is a door to door collected television fee, much like the BBC fee in England. Unlike the BBC fee however there are no consequences if you don't pay it. The best way to deal with this fee is simply to avoid the NHK fee collection man. If you ever make the mistake of talking to him, then you can always tell him that your employer pays the fee for you, even if you're not sure if it's true or not. If he comes back, just ignore him or tell him you have no money. In most cases if you keep brushing him off eventually he'll give up and leave you alone. Like a stray dog, if you pay him once then he'll just keep coming back again and again looking for more. Generally speaking it's a good idea never to answer your door ever, unless you know who's on the other side. There are also neighborhood taxes and other fees that people will try to take money from you for. Just ignore the doorbell, or if you want some fun, answer the door naked and watch the money collector turn red and run away. For more advice on dealing with the NHK man, I suggest reading this.

6. Cars
Unless you live in one of the 3 "big" cities, you absolutely need to get a car. Some brave souls try to get by without one even though they live in the boonies. I can't tell you much about their carless experience because nobody ever hears from them anymore. If you're looking to cut yourself off from society, and don't mind doing all your shopping at Circle K, then MAYBE you can get by without a car. Cars seem cheap to buy at first, but they are really quite expensive here once you take all the taxes and fees into account. Expect to pay about $1500-2000 a year on various taxes, your parking spot and insurance. If you're from America, expect to pay about twice as much for gas as you're used to. Most used cars in Japan have under 100K on them. If someone is trying to sell you their car with over that much mileage, little to no shakken and still wants over 200,000 yen for it, you're probably getting ripped off. Best place to look is the Aomori Listbot, since dealers charge quite a bit more than departing JETs. It might also be a good idea to wait until you get here before you buy your car. That way you can size up the seller and try to judge if he's an honest, upstanding vendor or just some dude who wants to pawn off a piece of crap Subaru with a muffler that's about to fall off.

7. Winter
Just watch the video I posted yesterday, or check out the photos on various Aomori blogs and you can get a pretty clear idea of what to expect. Unless you are from Siberia, I don't think you will have ever before encountered a winter like the ones we have here in Aomori. It's not terribly cold mind you (this is coming from a Canadian remember), but the snow, lord the snow! Expect to be always cold, all winter. Houses in Aomori have no insulation and your apartment will be heated by a single gas heater that is typically left off when you go out or go to sleep. If you like to sleep with the heater on, then I suggest buying a carbon monoxide detector, which by the way they don't have here either. If you come from a more tropical climate and have never seen snow before in your life, then I suggest reading David's blog before you board that plane for Japan.

8. Aomori AJET
Don't join. It's a big waste of money. Right Ewen? Seriously, don't join. You can still go to all the AJET binge drink-a-thons. Use the 30 bucks or whatever it costs and buy yourself something nice. Better yet, buy yourself 30 nice things at Daiso.

9. Don't Worry, Be Lazy
More likely than not, you will have lots of downtime at your job. This is quadruply so if you are a prefectural (high school) JET. Start a blog, write for Nore Sore (our local JET magazine), do your nails, play cards, read a book, watch movies or TV shows you downloaded from TorrentSpy.com, have a nap, do anything you want... nobody cares! Just whatever you do, and I can't emphasize this enough, DON'T CROSS YOUR LEGS AT YOUR DESK! If you cross your legs you look "lazy" and all the teachers will talk about you behind your back. Why? Beats the Hell out of me, but they will, so don't.

10. Exploring
Japan isn't just about manga, Hello Kitty and video games. Well, okay maybe about 95% of it is, but there is still a little more to it than that. Aomori has tons of mountainous hiking trails and ski slopes to explore. If you're like me and don't care much for exercise, then there are lots of cool ruins to raid, interesting stores to find, and many more treasures hidden deep in dark blue forests. After about 6 months in Aomori I had already seen more of the prefecture than most of the Japanese teachers I work with, including the ones that have lived here all their lives. After almost two years there's still plenty that I have yet to see.

Aren't I a nice guy for writing this handy tutorial for you lowly newbies? As you can guess I'm having a really dull day at the office once again. Oh well, back to sponging off the Japanese tax payer. Welcome to Aomori biotches!

Best of luck,
Jamie